And how advisors can encourage these difficult conversations.

This piece by John Knowlton was originally published in Trusts & Estates on May 4, 2026.

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Your clients talk to you about money. But the conversation might end there. “Why don’t people talk about money with their kids?” I’ve been posing this question to all kinds of people and was surprised to find how the answers differ by net worth.

Low-income clients have two main responses. The first is a sense of shame. They may feel that they haven’t managed their money well or that their decision-making was poor. Talking openly about their money choices can be too vulnerable. On the other hand, low-income clients who have bought a home, have a cash reserve or saved for retirement fear being asked for money. They don’t want to become the community “bank.” If relatives learn they have savings, they may face intense social pressure to share them. In A Framework for Understanding Poverty (2005, 4th edition), Ruby Payne wrote that, “One of the hidden rules of poverty is that any extra money is shared.”

Business owners and corporate managers may hesitate to discuss money out of guilt. Not guilty that they don’t have enough money, but that they spend so much time working and achieving that they don’t spend enough time with their children. Talking about money may force them to acknowledge that they pursue success more than they seek a healthy work-life balance. Another factor is that they don’t want to spoil their kids. They sense a risk that if their children know about the family’s assets, they may be less motivated to work and realize their potential. On the “Earn Your Leisure” podcast in 2021, Shaquille O’Neal shared that he says to his children, “We ain’t rich. I’m rich.”

Some wealthy parents also have concerns about spoiling their children or creating “trust fund babies” if they anticipate a large personal inheritance. In addition, wealthy families often have an outsized desire for privacy—perhaps to avoid unwanted requests for money and the mental toll of sorting through these demands. 

Results of Non-Communication

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